Who decided that black men should have to conform to what the world thinks they need to adhere to. When a child cries because mama won't except the fact that Lil Jr. got another agenda. I am what you fear and dream of at the same time. I'm the what would should have been my life, and what you want to lay your head on. I go the mile, the distance between you and words of encouragement sent by those that mean betta. You are not my father. He died long ago trying to live his dream, but I won't b e denied. You should look at yourself in something other than a mirror. You are not what you think you should be but a shell of something else. I cried last night for you. A human slave to what folks call a gay black man. I cried because you left me with open hands and empty mouths. Where were you when fog rolled in from a place that most people only think brings pain, sorrow and hurt. You made me be what I am today. A sorry black gay man that's in love with not only you but the sound of his own voice. Alcohol may not be the answer but it does offer relief. You make me sick. All the fairy tails that come from you mouth are sickening to me. You are my joy and don't even know who you are. I'm in a place now that requires me to think. I'd rather be between your legs, blessing you with the gift that God himself gave me. You remember the pain that I brought on in the heat of not just a moment, but a lifetime of waiting.  You still feel me, and in my heart you are the reason I hurt. Ease up off the regret cause yo time is coming. The time of not just paying a bill.  You owe me your life, all of it in a bag held under your arm. I love you, can't you see that. It's not enough to just cry, you got to mean it. And trust me when i say i need you here I'm not just saying words. You are my light so shine. I'll treasure it in the long run...........!

Hard Day at Home

     So my mother decided she wanted to throw my aunt a surprise birthday party. I was kinda surprised myself being that my aunt's birthday was last week, and that she didn't tell anyone about the party other than my oldest sister Sonya. So why did she ask me yesterday when i was going to start cleaning up the house getting ready for the party. What party is what I wanted to know. "Oh I told yall i was throwing Ivy a party this week end." Ummmm, no the hell you didn't. And she fell to mention that our family from South GA was also coming down...  So I've been busy all day cleaning an entire four bed room house by myself. And I have to cut the grass and clean up the yard. When i tell you I'm tired as fuck. And I'm still not done. i got to clean the oven, the living room, and i have to scrub the fucking tub. Then on top of all that she comes in the house and tell me that WE'RE cooking tonight for he party tomorrow. Not like i really made a big deal about it until she took her ass in the room talkin bout she going to sleep. LMFAO... when i tell you it's on tomorrow. I'm getting drunk as fuck and showing my ass all day.

Tray........................!

A Week To Remember....!

     Well I know it's been a while, but I promise I'm gonna stop starting my post with this line. Well after ten months or waiting I finally got to meet the person that I've been spending most my nights talking to via telephone; preparing for what was hopefully to be something worth hanging on to. A few holidays: birthdays, Christmas, Valentine's Day, and Thanksgiving; spent via: USPS, email, Majic Jack, and T-Mobile, and the Hound finally pulled into Tally carrying the gift that has been anticipated with the up most of anticipation. It's funny how things seem like they'll never happen and then when they do you really don't know how to feel. All i know is even though the week didn't go as I had hoped it would, I still enjoyed every minute of it.

     Sometimes you spend endless night, days, and other time that surely could be used for something else, thinking about the feeling of being with someone that gets you. You hope that when you do finally meet that person that everything pans out like you've always imagined, that sparks will fly, and everything that you dreamed of had finally come true. Well in my case, I don't know about no sparks, LOL, but it was definitely something flying. But things did hit me until probably that next day when I awoke beside them and realized that they were really there. I woke up smiling, and it's been ages since that has happened, so things were def good.

     Well I did have lots of things planned out for us to do that week, but since we had never met,(yes we started dating via twitter), I guess the other party wanted to spend as much, ALONE, time with me as possible. And y'all can get cha heads out the gutter. We spent the week watching movies, talking, laying up under each other, eating my home cooking, and of course getting shit faced. I mean can you think of any other way of spending time with someone you're really into that you've never physically met? Though it was our first time seeing each other we quickly started to show the ten months of getting to know each other by: talking shit, cursing each other out, arguing, and being mad at each other for short periods of time. Yes after all these months, what had started off as innocent conversation, turned into something a little deeper than that. Well shit, a whole lot deeper than that.

     I can honestly say that I have a boyfriend now. I now share my life with another being other than God, and I'm loving every minute of it. even though for now it's a long distance relationship, I have no doubt in my mind that this is something that will last for a while. And in the end if it doesn't work out, I'll know that I've shared a part of my life with someone that loves me dearly. The best part is that the love that they have for me is derived from the very essence of who I am. They love me just for being me. And I love them too....

      Tray.................................!