When is to old actually to old?

     Ive heard this topic several times not only on my time line (twitter), but also in other blogs, on  facebook, myspace, BGC forums, some of everywhere. The biggest issue with this question is the fact that this is actually an issue. I've dated older and younger guys. Me myself, I prefer younger guys, and it's not for reasons that most people may think. It's a whole new ballgame when you're in it for the right reasons.

     I used to think that it was strange that I wasn't attracted to older men. For some reason the though of someone telling me what to do, thinking that they knew more than me, or even feeling a sense of control because of the age bracket bothered me. I've dated older men. Men anywhere from four, to twenty-four years older than me have had a chance to get to know me on a level a little past friendship. It's all the same to me with them all. Either they're telling me what I need to do with my life, or what I'm not doing right. The fact that I've never had a father, and that I don't need or want one now, made this an impossible hurdle to jump.

     Now loads of people think the reason for older people wanting a younger mate has something to do with the person being inexperienced in life. Contrary to that belief in most cases it's not that reason at all. Younger people haven't been tainted by bad experiences, or heartbreak. For the most part they're full of new energy, ready to explore the world, and more willing to trust something new easier than others that have been hurt in past relationships. They also appreciate what you've been  through in life, instead of trying to tell you what you need to do to fix yours. Young minds in my opinion offer new adventure, fresh ideas, and an eagerness to belong to something meaningful. All in all I think younger beings add that much needed excitement to your life.

     Now there is a downfall. In most situations, younger people have much less to offer, and at times can be a bit of a handful. They have all this energy, and sometimes it can be overwhelming. But what's life with out a challenge right? The last couple of people that I've dated have been younger than me. The very last person that I met is 11 years younger than me. But is this really to big of an age gap. I don't think so.

     My last love interest didn't start out that way at all. It started out as a friendly chatting situation, and over several months turned into something completely different. It's kinda funny though being that neither of us ever knew where the whole thing was going, but decided to let it flow in the direction that our emotions led it. It turned into something beautiful, unexpected, but beautiful. I at one point found myself asking the question, "isn't he too young." But once I thought about the reasons why it happened, it no longer bothered me. After all, age is only a number.

     So I guess the real question to it all is whose job is it to determine what is acceptable, and what's not. Ultimately I think it's up to the two individuals in the relationship. Whether you, the outsider, think that it's strange that an older person is dating a younger person isn't really your business. Yes you are free to have your opinion about subjects, events, or  general, day to day things that you may encounter. But in the end your opinion counts for nothing other than your own sense of self worth, or involvement in things deemed worthy of discussion.In the end I say if the two are happy, then let them be. What are your thoughts on the matter. 

Tray.

Deep In Thought

     Sometimes I get in a mood that I can't explain for the life of me.  It's times like this that I really need those that I feel closest to for comfort. It's when day to day events that make me think about some of the choices that I've made in life, especially choices that sat me back helping others move forward, seem to be the epitome of my current situation. I always ask myself why is it that the things that I want most in life, and more importantly the thinks that I NEED, seem so far out of reach. I guess it's an age old question that for some of us will never be answered. I love life, but sometimes you kinda wonder if it's really worth living. No I'm not at all suicidal, just questioning the aspects of existing in a world so full of sadness and misfortune. I think I am blessed to be who I am. There are those that are worse off that I am. Then you have those whom have lives far more fulfilling and privileged than mine, and complain about how much they hate it. I mean when is enough enough. No I don't need diamonds, fast cars, nor do I need all the things that turn heads and draw attention. All I need is enough to stand on my own two feet. The bare necessities in life that allows one to be free from depending on others. Love really don't pay the bills, and it sure as hell don't fill your stomach. But it can give you a reason to move forward and keep trying. That's why I continue to love me, push myself, and not let simple worldly things get in the way of where I need to be. I Love Me... Even if no one else does.

Tray

Not What I Am

     I am the epitome of what should, has, and could have been.

    

     Time lost at sea, solar eclipses, and water logged bridges headed nowhere in time.

     I am a thought past it's prime, stuck in a place not belonging to any one sane man's imagination.

     I am seedless fruit, punchline-less  jokes meant for reasons unknown to dark force-less

          creations born for death.

     I am a memory, formed from every child not created for fear of being. Jaws thought

          to have been disposed of.

 

     I'm everything that dreams aren't made of. Road forks and grass-less hills and  broken

          clocks and sheet-less beds.

     I'm virgin daiquiris, and string-less kites and root-less trees.

     I am everything forgotten about in life, frowned down upon, cursed, and crucified with no sleeves.

     I am every downfall to man that has poured down pain from heaven-less sky's.

     But even though all this I am or may be.

     I'm still proud to say that even though with all that I'm not.

      I AM STILL ME.........................!

Tray   

HIV positive Pornstars

     I've been doing a lot of reading lately about what's going on in the world.. No I'm not talking about the starving kids in Africa, or Obama's political problems. I'm talking more on issues that I read on the walls of people's blogs. There seem to be tons of things going on that I had no clue about. But out of all the things that I've read, there was one subject that really caught me attention. So since it's been a while since I've updated MY blog, I've decided to speak out on this, and maybe get others opinion on the subject.

     I'll start off by going back to a stereotypical topic circling the gay community even today.  HIV/AIDS. I've befriended a few people in my lifespan that had or have, HIV or AIDS. I've never been the type to judge anyone on the mistakes they've made to become apart of this horrible epidemic. But how they live there lives after the knowledge of contraction has always been a different story. I look at the infected as I look at any other person, but what happens when those in that group decide to involve themselves in activities that knowingly put hundreds of others in danger. The biggest question I guess is what if they're being paid for it.

     I recently read an article in a pornstar's  blog where he interviewed another well known pornstar about the happenings of his life from adolescence up to now. During the interview the pornstar came out about his positive HIV status, told his story about how he dealt wit it, and later went on to say that he eventually went back to doing porn. He also stated that he knows other "models" in the industry that are poz and have not came out about it, but still work in the industry. "It's just one of those things that some people feel will hurt their careers if people found out." he want on to explain. But from my understanding of the article, the producers knew about the poz results, just encouraged safe sex if they were to keep making films. 

     Now again I'm not judging. I really don't know how to feel about this. Surely some people would be outraged at the fact that companies are continuing to allow HIV positive stars  to continue to work in the field. Even if condoms are used, they have been proven to be less than 100% effective and the fact that they're getting paid for this........ service, just makes me really wonder what is being said. I don't really know the whole process in which they handle the situation. Do they tell HIV neg stars that the person they're about to do a scene with is poz? Do you have a choice on whether or not you want to take the chance of the condom holding up? Or is it a, what you don't know won't hurt you, kind of ordeal. The interviewee did state that there are some companies that won't match poz performers with neg performers, but with that being said, he did say some. Would it be discrimination or legal consequences behind getting rid of someone because of there status. It makes me think just how many people in this industry is HIV positive and refuse to inform there coworkers for fear of having to find work in another industry. 

     I simply say to each it's own and keep my penis on a selective servicing basis... What do you think.

Tray.............................!