Self

     Way back before boys started piercing there ears, or even before I started growing grass on any of my fields, there was this thing called self. See back then it was only a part of you, just something that you contained, but still just as important as the first thing ever given to you. You know that word that means your name. Back then I didn't have to deal with the trials of the soul, just remained content with the beating of my heart, pride of ones self came later in the game. I look at you and wonder where the hell did I ever lose my way, the truth about that figure staring at me from a shiny wall. I give you way to much credit than you deserve, robing myself of glorious points in life that to me are on a biblical scale. Noah built the arc with his bare hands and you manage to tear down my heart with soft skin, pretty eyes, and a lack of words that at some point meant absolutely nothing to me. I know my journey will never be over because snakes will always hide in holes, and vultures like the love I have for self will always circle me. Why must life continue to throw stones at my glass house, blow down my cardboard trees, and piss in the water that I cleanse my eternal soul with as if it was my fault that bees make honey and most bushes shed leaves. I did not create this world that I live in but I will believe in self, push self, motivate self, feed, fuck, and finance self because I believe that the sun will shine even on a dead dogs ass from time to time. So instead of continuously sticking rainbows up my proud ass in hopes that my teeth will shine brighter as this fake ass smile is presented to you each day. Realize that my fields have grown and now I know the value of self which means you are now just a stain on the back of my mind that even I can't wash away. At least not by myself...........!

Tray_Alexandria

"I Am Not Afraid of Death"

*mic check* Is this thing on? *clears throat*


I am not afraid of death. However I am afraid of what will happen to those that I leave behind.
It's all too scary to contemplate so like most of you, I eradicate it from my mind.
We all have to leave God’s green Earth at some point rite?
I just prefer to do so in wood grain casket with my name engraved on it.
Now that would be a sight.
As a matter of fact, I want my casket to have a mini bar & a tape deck in it.
I want 4 chicks chained to my casket singing "how low can u go”, with Ludacris in it.
I'd rather not have pole bearers for my casket; they might leave finger prints on the wood grain.
I want to be lowered down into the ground by a helicopter, now that’s insane.
But it just can’t be any helicopter; it has to be one with chrome propellers.
And when it lowers me down it has to play "Lovely Day" by Kirk Franklin, because I love that type weather.
One must realize that this body, no matter how gorgeous it is, is only temporary.
So why is it that we only express our love for people we love in the month of February?
That life you live will not last forever, no matter how fake, phony, or real it is.
Compared to everyone else, what makes your life more special than his, his, hers, or his?
I've learned that the hardest thing about growing up is that you can never go back in time.
Which is why it is only the memories of others that yet keep us alive.
We must express our gratitude for those we love while there is yet life in them.
I make jokes about death when life itself is the joke, but through the pain and heartache I continue to swim.


*drops mic & exits stage left*

-Jatavius Brown

Strange Deams

  I don't know where this new term piggy bank came from. Well i do, but I don't know what caused the vision I had early this morning while snoozing on the couch. I mean the strangest things pop into my mind while I'm day dreaming. I remember when i was really deep in my writing. I used to wake up from naps/dreams and immediately get up, grab my pen and pad, and get to writing.

      Well for some reason I found myself day dreaming early in the morning about a certain person. We were at a hotel, it was night of course, an though I don't remember any foreplay, the sex was off the hook. The sex wasn't the highlight of the dream. It's what came afterwards that got me.

     I don't know if I got some kin of fetish for dudes doing shit that girls do, but why i had this dude wearing pantie liners. i don't know if i hit it to hard, or if this is just something that I wanted to see happen, but I actually had this due wearing pantie liners. It's one thing to have kinky dreams but this one really went there with me. But it's not the first time that I've ha strange dreams like this one. I've reamed of some of everything you can think of. Sexing in the white house, on top of a fire truck, in the mall foo court during lunch hour; just to name a few. In my defence, i have an exaggerated imagination.

     On another not, for some strange reason I always wake up from dreams feeling sexy. Like a model in an underwear add. I get up and put on my "LIL SEXY" draws and take pics. Or I walk around the house waiting on someone to say some slick like, "put some damn clothes on!" LOLLOL.  But I'm kinda into dreams. I used to write about not only my dreams but other's too. I'm one of those type of people that's into how other's minds work. How things effect each individual handles different situations, an how it effects them on a personal level. I never get tired of asking different people the same questions. You almost never get the same answer. I used to listen to my  classmates problems in school an then write poetry about it. Real life situations usually make the best props for poetry. It just seems more natural and in tune when you write about something that's real. Like my sexxxyness... Ahhh I love me.

Prologue

     I sat there writing my name over and over again. "Janie.....!" Paw yelled. That's what he called me. He could never get my name right, but since I've always thought of Jaime as a girl's name anyways, what did it really matter. I was crouched down on the front porch, just low enough that my butt touched the cold concrete.  Staring with my chin in one hand, and a white chalky rock in the other; you know the kind the girls in the neighborhood used to draw there hop-scotch charts in the driveways with. It took me a while to find mine; but finally the short tree on the back corner of the house produced one just big enough to last long enough for me to get bored of what ever i planned on doing with it.

     I got up and headed to the back yard, taking my time of course. Paw was more than likely out in the shed, or even worse in that huge stretch of high bush he called a garden. Either way I knew he was calling me to do something I prolly ain't want to do, but none the less I headed in the direction of his voice and hoped for the best. When I turned the corner, passing the same tree that revealed my chalk rock, Paw, Paw was sitting in the opening of his tool shed. I smiled when I saw him tightening the nuts around the the wheels of a what was to me, a new blue bicycle. For some reason Paw always knew what kind of mood I was in, and as always came right on time with something that made me feel like kids my age should all the time.  "Boy come ride this bicycle down the street, see ha it ride." I saw Granny looking out the kitchen window. I remember her telling me earlier not to leave out the yard. Apparently my mother told her to make me stay home this week end since I went on a field trip earlier that week. I guess her motto is kids shouldn't have to much fun. I really never liked her, but what can I do, I'm seven and she's my mom.  The ride was a short one, but none the less it was a ride. Now it's back to reality.

     My life started out very bland. Well hell it's bland now, but none the less that's besides the point. A child  shouldn't have to endure that kind of solitude. Being that age living with a couple well in there eighties and nineties, it's kind of hard to have a real childhood. Responsibility governs your life. No time for laughter, fun, friends, or any of the other things that drive a child to get out of bed in the morning. I'm not complaining, for the simple fact that I was taught to be grateful for what I have.But I do at time wonder how my life would be if I lived the life of a normal kid. Maybe in time I'll reap the rewards of all this work I'm putting in. Shit at this age social security gone owe me by the time I start sprouting grey hairs.

A Throw Back and a Lil Some New

Family Time

     So I'm spending time with my lovely sister Michon, and my baby sister Cristle. It's always nice to try and spend some quality time with the ones that you love. It seems that these days that you lose

focus on what's important in life. I've lost a few friends, associates, and even family in the last few months. Some you'd have never had thought were going to be leaving you that soon. Young, old, it doesn't really seem like there's really a pattern in what's going on in this world as far as life expectant. It's not posed to be this way, but you never know what God's plan is. So now I've just been really trying to spend time with every one in my life that I feel has importance. Family, friends, close associates; all these people are really what makes life joyous. Other than that special someone that adds that extra umph to the whole equation, that's really all you need.

     So today me and the two sisters are just sitting around watching some things on television, talking about things that happened to us in our past, and filling my little sis in on things that for some strange reason she had no knowledge of. I mean she's been here for 20+ years but there are things that she doesn't know about. I love these type of topics, good laughter, good times. I guess all that's missing is a stiff drink.

    I don't know why you never notice the rate that people are leaving around you until you get a certain age and start wondering when you're time is coming. In this life you really can't be to sure that you're going to be here for ever. All you can do is live your life as best as you can and hope for the best. Hopefully I won't get hit by a stray bullet, or hit by a drunk driver. i think I have a higher purpose in life, but it's really not for me to decide. Love is in the air, and soon I'll be complete.

Busy Mind

Dizziness caused by thoughts of what could be.

 Bright clouds on starless nights, pouring smiling rain and untold dreams.

 Blind faith baring blood shot eyes, healing bones, roting flesh, and pressed black hair.

 Dead waves, breathing life to dry skies.

 What causes chaos in the hoping mind of a dreaming man?

 What creates torment in a pure soul?

Erases the drive to move forward in life and forces even the strongest will to subside?

Is it the delusion of post happiness brought forth by wish full thinking?

Is it the bond carried on the wind between two like minds?

Is it past events still riping at the spine of an at the moment weakened mind?

Maybe it's all randomness caused by some trauma from what seems like a past life.

Memories forced onto a plain that was thought to be so high, close to heaven and unable to be seen.

Sometimes things can't be explained by words, and pictures.
At times actions aren't recognized for what they really stand for.
Dream are never really what they seem.
Unseen reflections in a timeless mirror, hanging on a never ending wall.
Black lights in a fully lite room with no ceilings, corners or colors.
If life was supposed to make sense then why do our minds run busy, and all birds sing songs?
Why won't my eyes stop bleeding and hope finally come home?
Why does this one thought dent my lips in the same shape as the bottom of a thong?
And why is it when my mind is busy only one word graces my tongue........




Tray Wiggins

Finding a New You

     The last few days have actually been good. I've had the opportunity to speak to friends that I've missed dearly and bond with new friends that i also cherish. So what's the next step for me.. i think love is on the horizon, a new chance at something that has always been high on my list of must haves in life: a relationship is a brewing. So how do I go about making this happen. Well things are looking very promising at the moment. There is someone that I've really been smiling more and more over just at the simple thought of. I think the best part about it all is the fact that things are progressing at a very even effort.

     On another note I've found another new love, SYPE. Lmao. i don't think I've had this much fun in a while. If I'd known about this sooner, who knows what state of mind I'd be in. Might even be a little bigger in the arms by now. :))    So one of my friends what's to attend the fair this week end.. I haven't been to the fair in I don't know how long. This should be interesting. The only thing I really like to go for is the food anyways.. But here what is there really to do at the fair other that pick at folk and eat good food.. This week should be interesting.